In Plain Engel-ish

It’s so easy for us Americans to conjugate most verbs. Look at these common ones: Today, I walk; yesterday, I walked; I have walked many times. Today, I travel; yesterday, I travelled; I have travelled many times. But then there’s “Today, I GO; yesterday I WENT; I have GONE many times.” Because most of you, like me, were born into our language, we never pay much attention to such weird departures from the grammatical norm. Why isn’t it “Today I go, yesterday I goed, I have goed many times”? Who knows? Well, I could tell you, but it’d be too...

My grandpa Zivien loved to tell this joke: An elderly Jewish man is hit by a car and lies bleeding on the street. A paramedic attends to him, keeping him as relaxed as possible, and asks “Are you comfortable?” The man groans and replies: “Meh, I make a living.” We Jews especially appreciate this joke, which plays on the definition of the word “comfortable.” In Jewish culture, it’s considered really bad form to brag about how wealthy you are, so “I’m comfortable” has become a euphemism to let others know that you’re doing just fine financially. Through the ages, the...

I am awaiting my luggage in baggage claim at London Heathrow Airport. On this first day of our Dickens Destinations trip, twenty-five other tour members are with me, doing the same thing. They’ve all retrieved their bags; only the last one — mine — has not come. And it never does. How could I have been SO stupid as to put my notes for all my six Dickens lectures in that bag? And I am set to give the first in about five hours. I am doomed. I remember that dreadful feeling as if it were yesterday. Actually, it occurred...

Silly Me Ah, the joy of Unintended Results. Had the Japanese not conquered Thailand and Indonesia during World War II, I wouldn’t have ended up with my favorite childhood toy.  Those two countries had previously supplied the U.S. with 90% of its natural rubber from their plantations. Once we declared war on Japan, our rubber supply, crucial for the production of automobile tires, was cut off.  We began producing synthetic rubber to solve the problem, but it was very expensive: it turns out that the severe gas rationing during that time had nothing to do with any gas shortage. It...

Living in a Jewish household, with no Santa ever sliding down the chimney, our one magical home invasion did not involve presents under a tree but cash under a pillow. And the Tooth Fairy had a distinct advantage in making me feel special. No Christmas gifts showering the whole family indiscriminately. No, sir, that Fairy made a beeline to my bedroom, my pillow alone, rewarding me for being a Big Boy in the face of a harrowing dental amputation. The magic of the experience might be dampened today with the availability of the Delta Dental Tooth Fairy Poll website, which...