In Plain Engel-ish

I was fully aware at age five that, even though mine were much smaller than my older sister Gloria’s, I possessed the same right thumb and third finger that she did. But my two fingers were mere dumb digits, while hers could combine to create absolute musical magic. I am referring to the first time my sister snapped her fingers in my face. The clicking sound she had just conjured up out of thin air astonished and delighted me. I just HAD to do that, too. But no matter how many times I tried to duplicate that snapping, all I...

We all studied the ancient Phoenicians in elementary or middle school. We learned that their country is where Lebanon is today, and they were such incredible boat builders and mariners that they became the first master tradesmen and colonizers, connecting the entire Mediterranean world through an extensive network of independent city states.  I was kind of bored by all that information in class way back then, and you are possibly starting to nod off now, after reading my first paragraph and hoping for fun to come. I am hoping to perk you up, as I was perked back then, by...

How I loved those Saturday afternoon movie matinees for kids in the late 1950’s: 25¢ for the movie, newsreel, and cartoons-cartoons-galore. It was 10¢ each for popcorn and a soda, and only a NICKEL— can you believe it? — for a large box of Milk Duds. In case you’re wondering, that quarter admission ticket is still only $2.50 in today’s money. Such a deal that was! For me, the movie itself, almost always a Western, was never the big draw. Often it starred John Wayne. With my pacifist, unsporty, motor-mouthy persona, I couldn’t identify with The Duke’s towering manliness on...

It’s so easy for us Americans to conjugate most verbs. Look at these common ones: Today, I walk; yesterday, I walked; I have walked many times. Today, I travel; yesterday, I travelled; I have travelled many times. But then there’s “Today, I GO; yesterday I WENT; I have GONE many times.” Because most of you, like me, were born into our language, we never pay much attention to such weird departures from the grammatical norm. Why isn’t it “Today I go, yesterday I goed, I have goed many times”? Who knows? Well, I could tell you, but it’d be too...

My grandpa Zivien loved to tell this joke: An elderly Jewish man is hit by a car and lies bleeding on the street. A paramedic attends to him, keeping him as relaxed as possible, and asks “Are you comfortable?” The man groans and replies: “Meh, I make a living.” We Jews especially appreciate this joke, which plays on the definition of the word “comfortable.” In Jewish culture, it’s considered really bad form to brag about how wealthy you are, so “I’m comfortable” has become a euphemism to let others know that you’re doing just fine financially. Through the ages, the...