In Plain Engel-ish

Since Charles Dickens is my favorite author, I select one novel of his to reread each year, and always begin this delightful task on Christmas Day. We Jews don’t usually receive gifts on Christmas, so I love knowing that I shall be treated to a bulging bag of Santa’s goodies the moment I open any Dickens novel on December 25th. There are more treats for me in any first chapter of Dickens than there are in entire novels by other authors.  This year my Christmas novel will be Charles Dickens’ Nicholas Nickleby. Because Dickens wrote fifteen novels, I have not...

A baby boy was born into a family that desperately wanted a girl, so they simply decided not to name him. Six months later, when parents and baby were staying at a resort, the other vacationers were quite uneasy when cooing over a nameless child, so they convinced the parents to put names they liked into a hat and then ask one of the guests to pull out the winner. They obliged. The name “Win” won—and when the parents didn’t want to go to the trouble of thinking of a middle name, they asked the man who drew the Win-winner...

Before the 1700’s, if you were tried by an English court for a crime you did not commit, and if your lawyer could prove that you were nowhere near the crime scene when the crime was committed, there was a problem. Oh, the problem wasn’t that you couldn’t be acquitted. The problem was with the verbal rigamarole that the judge had to go through before he could decide whether to release you. According to early court transcripts, the judge would ask: “Do you have a valid explanation, that the court would recognize, which proves that it would have been impossible...

There is no logical reason for this morning’s essay to begin with a reference to the part of a fern where spores are produced. I realize this does not sound like a promising introduction to my actual topic: English and Math Impossibilities. I also realize you may be thinking that this topic is not much of an improvement on fern spores.  But you might as well stick with me. Given that the election is tomorrow, anything else you read in the next twenty-four hours is going to be another news flash in the vein of TRUMP PULLS AHEAD OF HARRIS...

He ruled his empire around 600 BC, but his fame has lasted until the present day. His empire was the Babylonian one, and he was that rare world ruler whose name is remembered both for his towering achievements and dark villainy. On the positive side, his brilliant military campaigns made him the longest reigning king of the 1500-year Babylonian Empire. And aesthetically, he created one of the Seven Wonders of the ancient world, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, for his queen, who was homesick for the mountains and plant life of her native land.  His transgressions were far-reaching as well....