In Plain Engel-ish

A baby boy was born into a family that desperately wanted a girl, so they simply decided not to name him. Six months later, when parents and baby were staying at a resort, the other vacationers were quite uneasy when cooing over a nameless child, so they convinced the parents to put names they liked into a hat and then ask one of the guests to pull out the winner. They obliged. The name “Win” won—and when the parents didn’t want to go to the trouble of thinking of a middle name, they asked the man who drew the Win-winner...

Before the 1700’s, if you were tried by an English court for a crime you did not commit, and if your lawyer could prove that you were nowhere near the crime scene when the crime was committed, there was a problem. Oh, the problem wasn’t that you couldn’t be acquitted. The problem was with the verbal rigamarole that the judge had to go through before he could decide whether to release you. According to early court transcripts, the judge would ask: “Do you have a valid explanation, that the court would recognize, which proves that it would have been impossible...

There is no logical reason for this morning’s essay to begin with a reference to the part of a fern where spores are produced. I realize this does not sound like a promising introduction to my actual topic: English and Math Impossibilities. I also realize you may be thinking that this topic is not much of an improvement on fern spores.  But you might as well stick with me. Given that the election is tomorrow, anything else you read in the next twenty-four hours is going to be another news flash in the vein of TRUMP PULLS AHEAD OF HARRIS...

He ruled his empire around 600 BC, but his fame has lasted until the present day. His empire was the Babylonian one, and he was that rare world ruler whose name is remembered both for his towering achievements and dark villainy. On the positive side, his brilliant military campaigns made him the longest reigning king of the 1500-year Babylonian Empire. And aesthetically, he created one of the Seven Wonders of the ancient world, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, for his queen, who was homesick for the mountains and plant life of her native land.  His transgressions were far-reaching as well....

I remember a high school history teacher who, the year after Kennedy’s assassination, related to our class the incredible coincidences between JFK’s and Abraham Lincoln’s killings: both were in the company of their wives; both were succeeded by a Vice President named Johnson; Kennedy’s personal secretary was named Lincoln and warned him not to go to Dallas; Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy and warned him not to go to Ford’s Theatre—and on and on.  What I also remember is that she ended the class by saying, “So many coinkydinks!” As a Junior trying to appear as a cool teenager, I...